


Deep Waters

by Leonee



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Everything is Beautiful and Everything Hurts, Hange is a cinnamon roll with sinnamon roll tendencies, How do we spell these characters names, I Don't Even Know, M/M, More characters and tags may be added as the story progresses, With a happy ending? Or...
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-27
Updated: 2016-07-02
Packaged: 2018-07-18 14:02:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7318120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leonee/pseuds/Leonee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A mission gone wrong leaves certain two characters face to face with their feelings.</p><p>Takes place after the first season of the anime.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Remember Me

**Author's Note:**

> So... My first fic in this fandom.  
> Exciting.
> 
> Oh boy, this pairing gives me the feels.

"Hanji!"

"We need to leave!"

"Come on! We already lost too many soldiers!"

"Hanji get your ass back here!" Levi shouted angrily at the crazy squad leader currently chasing the run away titan. They had managed to capture the titan with a net but this abnormal had turned out to have exceptionally sharp teeth. It also displayed a considerable amount of intelligence. It had discovered that it could cut through the trap and had quickly chewed it's way out.

The fat bastard.

And now Hanji was chasing after it, insisting that they needed new subjects and that a new expedition wouldn't be possible for a while. This titan was perfect.

"Hanji! You are endangering everyone you-"

Hanji launched herself towards the titan wounding its legs and distrupting its balance. 

Every minute they spent in the damn forest got them closer to being targeted by titans.

The forest was wide and deep. It was suitable for 3DMD gear but at the same time the height of the trees made it difficult for sunlight to reach the ground. And it was getting late... 

Suddenly, the titan turned and grabbed Hanji by the leg before she could get away. She screamed. 

"Damn it!" Levi launched his grappling hook towards a nearby tree and swung himself towards the titan.  

He managed to cut its arm so that it would let Hanji go. It worked and Hanji was freed. From the corner of his eye he saw her land safely.   He quickly moved to finish it off while avoiding its grasp. The titan was big but it was no match for Levi. He easily moved around the titan while it tried to catch up. He was fast and clever as always.

The titan grabbed him by the cloak.

"Agh!"

"Levi!" Hanji cried out and launched herself forward to land a blow on the titan's wrist.

But it was too late.

In the blink of an eye the titan had tossed Levi into its waiting mouth and gulped him down whole.

"Noooo!"

***

Roars of other titans had begun echoing through the forest.

Cries of the soldiers being devoured accompanied them.

It was too late. The titans had found them. The mission was a disaster. 

"We are leaving! All squads follow my lead!" Commander Erwin's voice boomed from afar.

They needed to get the formation back together.

"Squad leader Hanji! We need to leave!" One of the soldiers that had followed them was shouting frantically at her.

"But-" Hanji was left speechless. Levi... She had never thought this was possible. "What have I done..."

"Come on!" Mike called. 

There was nothing they could do... Petra's face came to her mind. Oluo... Gunter... Countless others. Her friends.. Levi...

They had to leave. And this time, she complied.

They rode as fast as they could.  

"Hanji! Where is Captain Levi?"

Hanji's blood froze. It was  Eren Jaeger's voice. 

"I... I'm sorry." She stuttered. "He didn't make it."

"Oh my..." Krista Lenz gasped.

"Did you see it?"

"What?" Hanji turned.

Eren's face was ghostly pale.

"Eren, are you o-"

"Did you see it happen?!"

"I... Yes. The titan... Swallowed him whole."

"Eren what are you-" Armin Arlert cried out.

Eren had turned his horse around and was riding full speed.

"Eren!" Mikasa Ackerman shouted after him. She almost turned around as well. 

"Mikasa!" Mike held her arm. "Don't!"

"But-"

"He'll manage. We can't risk anyone else."

"How can you-"

"We need to keep riding!"

This whole expedition was a shitshow.

***

"Ugh. Disgusting."

Levi stood covered in the slimey substance of the titan's stomach.  It was sticky and smelled weird. He remembered the pale yellow-ish saliva that Eren had been covered in after being saved from the female titan's mouth. He shuddered. Disgusting. He almost lost his calm. He wanted to scream. He needed to get this damn thing off of him. 

He needed to get out of there. 

Except he couldn't see a thing.

Everywhere he looked was shrouded in darkness. He was buried in slime up to his waist. He took a step forward in an effort to explore this strange territory. He immideately felt something touch his arm. He instinctively reached out to touch it. It felt... furry. No... He knew what it was.

It was hair.

Levi squeaked. He tried to get away only to feel another severed body pressing against his back. 

He let out a sob. How had he ended up in this shithole...

How many of these people had he known? All these severed heads and limbs.... He must be swimming in their blood. Levi felt nauseous. 

Pull yourself together.

He was going to cut his way out.

He reached for his blades but they were... gone. All of them. They must have fallen off when he fell.

Levi felt so hollow. His head was refusing to accept what was going on.

He was going to die here. 

How had this happen? He was the best among all of the Survey Corps. He had killed titans no one else could even dream of faceing. How had a single stupid titan had been able to defeat him? Humanity's strongest. Was that going to be his end?

He angrily kicked the slime only for it to get in his mouth.

"Aghhh!"

He was starting to lose it. The panic was taking over.

He was going to die here.

Covered in slime and the blood of his comrades. Surrounded by their bodies. Or rather whatever was left of them.

The titan was going to spit his corpse out in a gutter.

There was no honor in dying like this. He didn't feel like he had sacrificed himself for the sake of humanity. Just another soldier. Dead in a gutter for no reason at all.

He didn't feel heroic. Or honored. He felt alone and scared. 

He felt abandoned.

No one was going to come for him. 

No one was going to remember him.

They were going to go on with their lives. Suppressing his memory so it did not pain them.

Just like he had after losing his comrades. 

He thought of Petra. Gunter. Eld. Oluo.

Isabel. 

Furlan...

He felt something click in his mind. It was too much. He started sobbing.

He had thought himself so brave. Not fearing anything. Even death. 

Yet all the titans in the world couldn't prepare him for this moment.

Would anyone miss him?

He had never thought he would have to consider this. He had never thought that he'd care.

Why did it even matter?

But there he was.

Hanji would remember, perhaps. When she wasn't absorbed in her titan studies.

Erwin? Maybe. But he knew that the commander prefered not to dwell on the past. Or his fallen soldiers. No regrets . His code. Or you let your future be taken from you. After all they had been through together... The small banter, fighting side by side, trust...Was he going to be just another forsaken  name for him?

And the young ones?  

He had never really shared a deep bond with them. He was their captain. That was all.

Eren...

Levi gulped. They had been through a lot together. He had saved him countless times.

But did it really mean anything? 

Did he mean anything to Eren?

Whatever they shared  was over and that was it. It was momentary. Eren didn't really need him.

He had his friends after all. Mikasa. Armin. He loved them and was loved in return. He had a life. A purpose. 

Eren had no reason to like him.

Hah. Another thing Levi  never thought he would have to consider.

He stood there. Staring into nothing. He felt so tired.Tired of thinking, questioning, fighting... For the first time, he realized how exhausted he was of this war.

There was no reason to stay strong now. No reason to hide from himself. This was the end of his pathetic life. Half of which was spent under the ground. In darkness. How ironic it was that his death  brought him back to his origin. His true self...

All of a sudden an angry roar boomed outside and the titan's body shook. 

Then it lost its balance and all of its stomach turned upside down as if the titan had spun in the air.

Levi nearly drowned in the sticky substance and all the bodies that swum in it.

He managed to reach the surface just as the roof was ripped open and a bright light filled the place. 

Levi couldn't see anything for a moment while his eyes adjusted. Tiny drops of rain were hitting his face.

Then he found himself staring at the glowing green eyes of a familiar titan.

He gasped.

The titan's hand was the last thing he saw before everything went black.


	2. How Could I Forget

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which, Levi sucks at dealing with emotion-whether it's his or another's.

Levi opened his eyes .

At first he wasn't quite sure where he was. He seemed to be resting in a room filled with sunlight. It was small. Just one bed, a nightstand, some equipment and a window looking at a green field. Despite it's small size, it was extremely clean and clearly well taken care of.

_The infirmary._

He had to be in one the private rooms of the medical wing.

He managed to sit upright.

His body hurt a little but other than that he seemed relatively unharmed. He had many purple bruises and his ankle ached but it wasn't broken.

Most surprisingly, he was alive.

Alive and well.

Out of the titan's stomach.

_How?_

He stared at the wall across the bed.

His memories were coming back to him. The darkness. The bodies. He had been so sure that he had come to his end.

It hurt to remember it.

So how?

The green eyed titan. _Eren..._

He had come back for him.

Why? He felt a lump in his throat. Why would he? They were supposed to retreat. Erwin had ordered so. He had chased Hanji to stop her from doing something dangerous. And stupid. But the rest of them had gone with Erwin.

So how had Eren known? Why had he turned around at the cost of disobeying orders? Putting himself and the formation at risk?

He couldn't wrap his head around it.

And he certainly couldn't stand waiting here.

He snuck out of his room, avoiding encountering any of the medical officers.

Where was he going to go?

He was wearing hospital garb. Clean and bathed. Thankfully. The thought of the titan slime made him shudder. He wasn't sure if he wanted his uniform back.

He heard a nurse speak from afar. He could have sworn that he heard her say Jaeger.

A door was shut. He could see that it came from another private room not far away.

He walked as quietly as possible. And slowly turned the doorknob.

Eren was lying in his bed.

He turned when the door closed and his eyes widened in surprise.

"Heichou!"

He immideately moved to sit upright.

There was a chair next to Eren's bed. He considered it for a moment. Then decided to sit.

There was a long silence.

Eren cleared his throat. "So, are you... Are you feeling well?"

"As well as one can after being eaten by a titan."

Silence again.

Levi studied Eren. Why was he in an infirmary bed? He had a bandage around his head and arms from what he could he see. Some of the bandages had red marks on them. Evidence of bleeding.

"What happened to you?"

"Ugh... There were too many titans coming at me at once while we were trying to escape. They attacked me and severed my titan body. I had to change back. One of them got a hold of me. I wouldn't have gotten away if it wasn't for Mikasa..."

"You titaned out."

"Yes."

"Without the permission of your superiors."

"I...Yes."

"Against their wishes."

"I..."

"And their orders."

Eren had no answer to that.

"We were supposed to retreat. Erwin had ordered us so. You disobeyed him. Why?"

"You were swallowed by a titan."

"I was as good as dead. You put everyone in the line of danger."

Eren was staring at his hands.

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Then why did you do it, idiot?"

"I... I couldn't leave you like that."

"Next time, leave me. Like you are supposed to."

Eren was quiet.

"Do you hear me?"

Still no answer. Levi was getting angry.

"That's an order!"

"One I can't follow."

"What?" Levi was dumbfounded by his answer. "Why?"

"I couldn't leave you behind. Not you..." Was Eren blushing? Levi's jaw dropped. "I think... I would have returned for your body. Even if Commander Hanji had told me that... I would have needed to see with my own eyes. Otherwise I could never sleep again."

Alright. Now that was... interesting.

Levi tried to put his thoughts in order.

"Then, you really are an idiot. It is irresponsible to get into risks like that. If you are going to be a scout, you should learn to follow the orders of your superiors. I thought you had learnt the importance of trust in this regiment..."

He started scolding him, his voice rising.

To his surprise, Eren started crying.

Levi stopped immideately. 

Why was he crying?

"I'm sorry, Heichou. I only wanted to...I..." His body shook  violently as he sobbed.

Levi had no idea what to do  He was shocked. He couldn't think. What should he do?

He found himself holding Eren's hand.

He felt helpless.

Eren started to say something. "I-"

A nurse barged in.

Startled, Levi dropped Eren's hand.

"Oh dear. Are you in pain?"

"Captain Levi, with all do respect I must ask you to leave this room."

The nurse prepared a needle.

"It was time for your medicine anyway."

Levi stood next to the door, unable to make himself leave.

"I need to get more bandages for your arm. I will be back in a flash."

She quickly  moved to the door but did not forget throw an accusatory look in Levi's way before she left.

Levi stood there.

"What were you going to say?"

Did he really want to know?

Anesthesia was taking effect. Eren was slipping into sleep.

"What were you going to say?" He insisted.

"I was... I couldnt... think... if you were gone...I couldn't...without you..I couldn't bear it..."

Eren's voice became sloppier with each word. He eventually fell asleep.

But he had said enough.

Surely he didn't mean...

Levi's eyes filled with angry tears. He punched the wall behind him.

He didn't know why he was reacting this way. He was confused and he was feeling a strange ache in his chest.

Why did Eren's words affect him so much?

And why did it feel good to hear him say that?

Stupid brat.

The door opened.

Levi stopped crying at once.

It was Armin. And Mikasa.

Their jaws dropped at the sight of Levi. All red eyed and teared.

"What are you looking at?" He snapped.

"Captain, are you..."

He pushed Armin out of the way and angrily fled the room.

He needed air. He needed to get out of the building...

Bam.

He crashed into someone making his way to the infirmary.

"Levi?"

Levi looked up to see Erwin's surprised face.

He pushed him away before he could say anything.

He didn't pay attention to the medical officers trying to stop him. As he made his way out of the building, he could hear the commander's voice telling the officers to stop and let him go.

Levi ran until he reached open field covered in green grass. He wandered for a while before settling down with his back against a tree.

He ripped some grass from the ground and let it flow in the wind.

All these emotions were foreign to him. He had never felt them so strong. He didn't even know what they were. He was suddenly feeling so vulnerable. And he resented Eren for making him feel this way.

He was never the one to wear his heart on his sleeve. In a world of death and destruction, anyone who did was stupid. He had gotten used to keeping calm and rational. Putting up his own walls between himself anf the world around him. It was better this way. More comfortable and safer. It felt natural to him. He had always been a loner.

And now he felt as if all of his defences were breeched.

He watched the sky, observing it's changing colors.

Eren found him hours later.

"Captain..."

"Why? Why would you risk your life for this? Why do you even care? Why would you risk everything to save one person?"

His voice rose slightly towards the end. But he was too tired to be angry.

Eren was quiet for a moment.

"I know, maybe I shouldn't be saying this but this whole ordeal made me realize something.  My mother used to tell us that love is the strongest drive of all. Hate and rage drain you but love makes you stronger. Sacrifices you make for love are big but in your heart it's worth it. She sacrifeced herself so that Mikasa and I could get away. She gave her life without even thinking. For years, I was mad at her for doing this. But I understand her now. I understand why she did it."

Levi was left speechless.

There it was.

That word.

What he had suspected all along. What he had kept on denying.

His heart was beating like crazy.

But he would have done the same, right? Eren.

For Armin. For Mikasa.

It didn't mean anything.

Eren quietly spoke up.

"I think... if you died there... I would have died with you."

Damn.

Levi was feeling light headed. He hadn't even realized that he was on his feet. When had he got up?

"Let's get you back inside." He mumbled and grabbed Eren's arm, draging him towards the building.

***

At night Levi was on the terrace, staring off to the distance.

They had insisted he stay at the infirmary a little longer. They wanted to make sure that he was okay. He was the first human to have survived being swallowed by a titan after all. They didn't know what to expect.

Hanji had visited him. Apologizing and begging for forgiveness. Her usual cheerful, uncontrollable self was nowhere to be found. Levi could see that see was being sincere. Though see had not forgotten to add that she could not wait to hear about his experience before she left.

The moon was glowing in the dark, it's light shining upon his ivory skin. It was a calm night. The only  movement out there belonged to the trees softly swaying in the wind. Their leaves rustled every once in a while.

He felt a movement behind him.

"Heichou, did I make you angry... did I say something wrong?"

Levi was quiet.

"You haven't spoken to me ever since..."

"You 're right, you shouldn't have said that."

His voice cut through the silent night.

"Oh... I'm sorry then."

Eren waited but Levi didn't turn to face him.

The silence between them was painful.

He heard Eren leave.

Levi felt his heart break a little more with every quiet footstep.

***

In his small infirmary room, Eren stayed awake for a long time. He stared at the ceiling for hours but finally gave to the tears dwelling in his eyes. He had tried to tell himself that it was okay. It was no big deal. Still, the feeling of rejection hurt more than any of his wounds.

Even sleep could not free him from the ache in his broken heart.

He fell into a world of dreams filled with loss and pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the next chapter, we will finally be getting a little of Eren's point of view.


	3. I Would Have Drowned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which, Eren is lost in thought and Hanji is a good friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thought it was time for an update!  
> I had initially planned this as a mini fic. So the next chapter may be the last. But I'm thinking about turning this into a series. The next fic may be a longer one with a more intricate plot and more characters/ships. I'm planning it out right now. We'll see how it turns out.

I... I'm sorry." Hanji stuttered. "He didn't make it."

Eren felt as if a punch had landed on his chest, robbing him of air and making his heart skip a beat.

_No._

It could not be true.

"Did you see it?"

"What?" Hanji turned to him.

Eren could feel his blood retreat from his face, arms and legs. He had never felt colder.

"Eren, are you o-"

"Did you see it happen?!"

He needed to know. He needed to know if there was any hope... He could not accept it. Levi of all people. How...

"I... Yes. The titan... Swallowed him whole."

"Eren what are you-" He could hear Armin shout after him but it was too late.

He had already turned his horse around. His arms and legs felt weak. His heart was beating hard in his chest as if it was about to rip it apart.

He had to go back.

He had to see...

He could not understand what had occured. How the tables had turned. Levi. The strongest person he had ever known. He had seen him fight. He had seen him kill. So how? How had he been taken down by a single titan?

The wind blew in his hair, burned his eyes... His body was not responding to his mind anymore.

And the he saw it.

_The big teethed bastard._

Wandering around with that huge grin embedded on its face.

Eren felt the panic turn into rage.

Once again a titan had taken something that was important to him .

That was _his_.

He felt a familiar electric feeling taking over his body. A roar ripped its way out of his throat.

He was seeing red.

He lunged forward and smashed the grinning titan to the ground.

Blind rage was boiling in his veins. He could feel the power in his muscles aching to lash out.

He hit it.

He hit it and smashed it and crushed it until it was a bloody mess lying beneath him. The enemy's blood was splattered all over his face, covering his shoulders and dripping from his chin. He could not get enough of it. 

He ripped its limbs apart and shredded its skin into pieces.

He dug his fingers into its navel and tore it apart. He wanted to kill it again and again. He wanted it to experience all the pain he had endured all these years. All these losses. The sacrifices... He couldn't stop himself. He wanted to see the disgusting creature suffer...

And then he saw him.

Amongst the ruins of the titans stomach, a pale face was staring back at him. His hair was tousled. He looked wet and sticky. Devastated. His expression was a mix of fear and astonishment. As if he couldn't believe his eyes. Like he was dreaming.

For a moment it made him feel human again.

Eren reached down with his hand to grab him.

"Eren!"

Eren roared and turned around.

Mikasa?

She was on her horse waving frantically at him.

The warmth he had felt in his heart was gone. He could sense the oncoming danger.

"Eren! Please, we need to go!"

Eren looked at his hand.

"You will need your hands! Give him to me! I can carry him!"

He didn't want to. He didn't...

"Trust me Eren!"

He leaned down and allowed Mikasa to take the unconscious Levi on her horse.

They set off to find the rest of the Survey Corps.

But it wasn't long before they were confronted by titans.

Eren fought them. He channeled all his rage into his fighting.

There was just too many.

"Eren!"

She couldn't fight. Not like this. She was going to get hurt.

_Go Mikasa! Go!_

He roared and gestured for her to leave.

"Eren..."

He roared again. But his efforts caused him to become distracted. One of the titans launched itself at him and dug its teeth into the flesh of his arm. He was overwhelmed by all the titans coming at him. He needed to get out of there.

He tore the titan that was biting his arm apart and started to run as fast as possible.

He needed to keep Mikasa and Levi safe.

They made it out of the woods but a group of titans were following them.

"Eren! The Survey Corps... We are leading the titans directly to them!"

The Survey Corps... They weren't too far. He could see their horses running. The titans... No. He couldn't let that happen.

He turned to confront the titans.

They bit him and ripped his flesh apart. Heavy blows landed on his body. He couldn't fight them all. But he couldn't let them follow his comrades either. He needed to hold on. Just a little longer...

They surrounded him. He was trapped.  

He needed to change.

He needed to get away. If the remains of his titan body distracted them long enough, he could have had a chance.

Eren allowed himself to slide back into his own body as his titan form collapsed. He started to run like there was no tomorrow. If he wasn't fast enough, that might have just turned out to be the case.

But one of the titans got a hold of him as he tried to get away. It crushed his arm and raised him to its mouth as he screamed in pain.

Then he started to fall.

His body crashed into the ground.

"No! Eren!"

"Get him on your horse!"

His body screamed at him. He couldn't open his eyes.

"You're going to be okay Eren. We've got you." Armin...

"Go!" Jean?

Armin's horse was running at full speed.

"It's alright, Eren. You are safe now. You're with us. Just hold on..."

His body was squirming in pain. He wanted to sleep, to escape... Yet, until they reached the headquarters, Eren never lost consciousness.

***

Eren shuddered as he remembered the battle in the woods. 

It had been several days since the incident. He was staring at the training grounds now, watching his friends work out. His wounds were healed thanks to his outstanding regenerating abilities. His heart on the other hand...

It still hurt. Eren hadn't expected that it would affect him so much. Levi didn't even look at him anymore. Had he truly messed up so bad?

He had opened his heart and now it was broken. He didn't know what to do. But he couldn't bring himself to leave it at that. It would tear him apart. Eren was aware that he was always a little emotional, easily swayed away in the heat of the moment. But this was different. He had never felt anything like it.

He had been so afraid.

But not because of the titans. He had been afraid that it was too late. That he had lost Levi. His Levi.

It had been so clear, he could see it now. As he was riding his horse, frantically searching for the titan, his heart had already made its decision. He just hadn't realized it amidst all the panic.

But now he knew.

Perhaps, in his heart, he had always known.

He could not imagine a life without Levi. He felt an electrifying feeling in his stomach whenever he saw him. He had always thought that he was handsome but there was more to it. His black hair, his dark eyes, his little cleaning quirk... Okay, maybe not so little. But God, his smile was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. It was such a rare occurrence. So precious... He wanted to see him smiling more often. Eren felt a small smile form on his lips even as he thought about it.

How this had happened was beyond him. With all his silences and infinite mean attitude, how had Levi made his way into his heart?

He was supposed to have seen it coming, though. That subtle but growing feeling. Getting stronger every time he saw him.... Every hardship they had endured together...

But Levi didn't want him. He had made that very clear.

Eren wondered what he had been expecting...

He felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Eren? Are you okay?" Mikasa sounded worried.

"I'm fine." Eren shrugged. He really didn't want to talk right now.

"Eren, did something happen? You and Captain Levi... It looked bad."

"I'm fine." He repeated. He wondered how many people had noticed that something was wrong. Not too many, he hoped. There really was no way to explain what had happened.

"Jaeger! Commander Erwin has requested you."

Eren turned. A scout was calling for him. He didn't know his name.

The Commander? Why now? Why not earlier?

He sighed and waved Mikasa goodbye before he started walking towards the Commander's chambers.

***

"What you did was very irresponsible." The Commander said, finally lifting his head from whatever he was writing on the paper in front of him.

"I'm sorry, sir."

Commander Erwin studied him with his charismatic sky blue eyes. He seemed expressionless but there was something in those eyes that made Eren shudder.

"You disobeyed my orders and risked the lives of your comrades." 

Eren wondered what was going to happen to him now. "Captain Levi's life was at risk, sir. I had to do something."

"Did you know that he was alive?"

"No, sir. But there was...a possibility."

"A possibility is what you have risked everything for?"

"I..." There really was no answer that could be given to that. Eren felt like a mouse in front of a lion.

"Eren, you are dangerously inclined to pursue your emotions in important matters. The Survey Corps is built on trust between soldiers. Trust is what keeps them together. We face death every time we step out of those walls where we have no one to rely on but each other. Titans are strong and often unpredictable. If our own comrades are unpredictable as well, how can we hope to fight as one and protect each other? No man can face all the the titans all by himself."

Erwin looked very intimidating. His voice was stern and his face solemn. The room was bathed in the golden light of the setting sun. It casted dark shadows on the commander's face.

"I... I apologize." Eren stuttered. " I really don't know what else I can say."

There was a long silence. Finally, Erwin sighed and closed his eyes. "Just go."

He didn't have to say it twice. Eren got out of there fast.

***

"That's all?"

"That's all." Levi responded to Hanji's disappointed face. He was annoyed. "What else do you wanna hear about that shitty place?"

There were sitting on his bed. Levi only had a bed, a cupboard, a nightstand and some bookshelves in his room. He also had a chair by the window which served more as a bed really. He never slept much so he didn't bother getting into the bed.

"I was hoping you could tell me something that can be of use to us."

"Well, you are most welcome to try it out yourself."

"I heard you spoke to Eren." Hanji said, surprising Levi with the sudden change of subject.

"What about it?"

"Wanna talk about it?

"Why would I?"

"I heard you were pretty upset."

"Who told you that?"

"Are you going to be okay Levi?"

"Hey, don't you try to mother me like one of your titans."

"You didn't get mad at him for saving you, right?"

"He acte- why do you care?" He was starting to get really irritated. Why did it matter?

"You are my friend. I am concerned about you."

"I'm fine. Now get out." He didn't need anyone prying into his personal matters.

"He got injured for you, you know." Hanji said quietly. There was a sincere, kind look in her eyes which made Levi feel more vulnerable than he would have liked.

He didn't reply. He really didn't want to talk about any of it.

"I wish you had seen his face, Levi. When I told him... He was distraught. He didn't even _think_ about his decision. It was more of an impulse. He is more devoted to you than you think."

"Yeah, look where that got Petra."

Levi didn't know why he had said that.

"Eren is still young-"

"And insufferably naive-"

"Idealistic, I would say." She cut off Levi who had cut off her speech. "He thinks he can do everything, save everyone. But reality is catching up with him, Levi. He is learning that sometimes it is impossible to do something even when it feels right. Yet he chose to save you. Of all people, he chose to go back for you. Even when it seemed hopeless, he still risked everything.  You might have already been dead, Levi. I think this shows that you mean more to him than you think."  Her voice was softer now.

Levi swallowed hard. He wondered how much Hanji knew. Despite her eccentric, often bizarre personality, Hanji wasn't stupid. In fact, sometimes she displayed an insight that no one else ever did.

"He should have left me behind."

"You would have preferred to die?"

Right now? Yeah, he would. He would have died rather than endure this ache in his chest.

But he could not forget the relief he had felt when he saw Eren's glowing green eyes. He had come for him...

"Levi?"

He must have zoned out. "I..." He wanted to be alone but at the same time he didn't. He was tired of all the conflict he had inside him. He wanted to get rid of it. Get it off his chest. "It's complicated. He shouldn't be feeling this way. I'm not..."

"Feeling what?"

He didn't want to say it. "You know..."

"Is this what has been bothering you? Has he said something that made you uncomfortable?"

"He told me..." He gulped. "He loved me." There. Happy now?

Silence.

Then he heard a muffled scream. He turned to see Hanji pressing her hands on her mouth, her eyes wide open and glowing with... _something._  Levi felt very naked. He instantly regretted his confession.

"Really?!" She was still screaming. Fucking shitface.

"Well, those were not his exact words but it was clearly implied..." He didn’t know why he was still talking to her.

"Are you blushing?" She squeaked.

"Get out."

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry. But Levi..." Her smile fell. "What did you tell him?"

Levi swallowed. "That's not... He shouldn't have said that."

"What?! Levi... Does this mean that you don't feel the same for him?"

"I don't know."

"I hope you weren't too harsh on him."

"I don't want to talk about it anymore." He tried to collect himself and put his usual blank expression on. He was sure that he looked like a mess.

"Are you afraid to love him?"

"What?"

"Are you afraid to open yourself up to love?"

Yes. Yes, he was. Deep down he knew that. Still, he tried to deflect the question.

"What good would it do? We are Scouts. No one knows when we will die-"

"Alright. Stop. This is Erwin speaking, not you."

"What's wrong with that?"

"My point is, I think Eren would be good for you, Levi. Look inside your heart and you'll see what I'm talking about."

She stood and walked out of the room, waving him good-bye.

Now, what the hell was _that_ supposed to mean?

Crazy shitface was being cryptic like always.

His head ached and he felt confused. He needed to clear his mind. Levi sighed and set off to do the only thing he knew would make him feel better.

He was going to clean the fuck out of this building.

**Author's Note:**

> I am mostly writing these for fun but believe me when I say that whatever feedback you can give me will make me infinitely grateful.


End file.
